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Klingon Opera (Star Trek: The Experience)



Visitors to the 24th Century's Deep Space Nine promenade get a taste of Klingon high culture, with a Ferengi music critic's input.

 

Quark’s Bar along the Promenade of the Star Trek: The Experience

Space Station.

 

KURMAS, a Klingon warrior and patron of the traditional operas of his

Home-world, enters, singing at a robust volume, seemingly unaware of

the human guests that fill the bar area. BLEEG, a shrewd Ferengi with business interests in the bar, observes, clearly unimpressed.

 

Kurmas sings.

 

KURMAS

HoH Ha’DIbaH naS! HoH veqlargh naS! (Translation:

Kill the vicious animal. Kill the vicious

Fek’lhr!)

 

Bleeg makes his way through the crowd of humans.

 

BLEEG

What is that awful noise? My lobes are aching

from it!

 

KURMAS

That is Klingon opera, Ferengi. Do you not

appreciate the beauty of its sound?

 

BLEEG

Well, I appreciate the fact that you stopped

singing.

 

KURMAS

Fool! You have no taste in music.

(Addressing the crowd)

Do not worry humans. I will not allow this

Ferengi to dissuade me. I have decided that you

will have the honor of hearing an entire Klingon

opera.

 

BLEEG

An entire Klingon opera? But, Cmdr, Kurmas,

aren’t they kind of... long?

 

KURMAS

It depends. The shorter ones are only 14 or 15

hours. Fortunately for these humans this is

“HIvqa veqlargh, “ “The Feklhr Strikes Again,”

one of the best - because it is one of the

longest.

 

BLEEG

Oh, great.

 

KURMAS

Yes! And I shall sing the entire score. You are

very lucky.

 

BLEEG

Lucky? Did you tell them they have to stand

through the entire performance?

 

KURMAS

Yes, you must stand, and for this particular

opera, to show your interest, tradition requires

that there be no blinking.

 

BLEEG

Guess what? No potty breaks, either.

 

KURMAS

Hold it, Bleeg.

 

BLEEG

Yes, that’s what they will be doing.

 

KURMAS

Now humans, before I begin, I will explain the

opera’s story, so you will understand it. The

plot involves much battle, blood, and death.

 

BLEEG

Oh good -- a comedy.

 

KURMAS

Quiet, Ferengi. Not another word!

 

Kurmas broadly gestures everything he explains.

 

KURMAS

Now listen closely, humans. Long ago, the Feklhr,

demon-creature of Klingon legend, transformed

himself into the guise of a merchant. He then

pushed a cart filled with weapons through a

village, selling them at very low prices.

 

BLEEG

Oh, it’s a horror story!

 

Kurmas shoots him a threatening look. Bleeg shudders and backs away.

 

KURMAS

The weapons were cursed, causing the villagers to

attack one another, stabbing each other in the

back.

 

Bleeg mimics every movement Kurmas acts out. Kurmas turns to see him

moving suspiciously.

 

BLEEG

Just stretching. Please go on.

 

KURMAS

They stab each other in the back. Many die. The

survivors sing sadly of the dishonor this brings to their village. But their song awakens their warrior spirit so they can see the Feklhr for who he really is. They unite to battle him. Then, um, more die.

 

Kurmas turns and almost catches Bleeg imitating him.

 

BLEEG

Sorry, muscle cramp. I’m not used to all this

standing.

 

KURMAS

The villagers chase the Feklhr into the sky,

where they kill him. His blood fills the clouds,

and serves as a reminder to all Klingons against

fighting without honor, every time they look upon

our home-world’s crimson sky.

 

He raises his arms in a victorious pose, and turns his head, finally

seeing Bleeg mocking him behind his back.

 

BLEEG

I was just, um, this time I was only... Uh-oh.

 

Bleeg tries to put a few humans between himself and Kurmas.

 

KURMAS

It seems the Feklhr is not the only creature

without honor. Humans, I must teach this Ferengi

some respect. You will have to wait to hear the

opera. Just remember it is all Bleeg’s fault.

 

BLEEG

Hu-maans, you can thank me later. If I survive,

drinks are on you!

 

Bleeg runs for it, and Kurmas chases after him.

 

The End.

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