Visitors to the 24th Century's Deep Space Nine promenade get a taste of Klingon high culture, with a Ferengi music critic's input.
Quark’s Bar along the Promenade of the Star Trek: The Experience
Space Station.
KURMAS, a Klingon warrior and patron of the traditional operas of his
Home-world, enters, singing at a robust volume, seemingly unaware of
the human guests that fill the bar area. BLEEG, a shrewd Ferengi with business interests in the bar, observes, clearly unimpressed.
Kurmas sings.
KURMAS
HoH Ha’DIbaH naS! HoH veqlargh naS! (Translation:
Kill the vicious animal. Kill the vicious
Fek’lhr!)
Bleeg makes his way through the crowd of humans.
BLEEG
What is that awful noise? My lobes are aching
from it!
KURMAS
That is Klingon opera, Ferengi. Do you not
appreciate the beauty of its sound?
BLEEG
Well, I appreciate the fact that you stopped
singing.
KURMAS
Fool! You have no taste in music.
(Addressing the crowd)
Do not worry humans. I will not allow this
Ferengi to dissuade me. I have decided that you
will have the honor of hearing an entire Klingon
opera.
BLEEG
An entire Klingon opera? But, Cmdr, Kurmas,
aren’t they kind of... long?
KURMAS
It depends. The shorter ones are only 14 or 15
hours. Fortunately for these humans this is
“HIvqa veqlargh, “ “The Feklhr Strikes Again,”
one of the best - because it is one of the
longest.
BLEEG
Oh, great.
KURMAS
Yes! And I shall sing the entire score. You are
very lucky.
BLEEG
Lucky? Did you tell them they have to stand
through the entire performance?
KURMAS
Yes, you must stand, and for this particular
opera, to show your interest, tradition requires
that there be no blinking.
BLEEG
Guess what? No potty breaks, either.
KURMAS
Hold it, Bleeg.
BLEEG
Yes, that’s what they will be doing.
KURMAS
Now humans, before I begin, I will explain the
opera’s story, so you will understand it. The
plot involves much battle, blood, and death.
BLEEG
Oh good -- a comedy.
KURMAS
Quiet, Ferengi. Not another word!
Kurmas broadly gestures everything he explains.
KURMAS
Now listen closely, humans. Long ago, the Feklhr,
demon-creature of Klingon legend, transformed
himself into the guise of a merchant. He then
pushed a cart filled with weapons through a
village, selling them at very low prices.
BLEEG
Oh, it’s a horror story!
Kurmas shoots him a threatening look. Bleeg shudders and backs away.
KURMAS
The weapons were cursed, causing the villagers to
attack one another, stabbing each other in the
back.
Bleeg mimics every movement Kurmas acts out. Kurmas turns to see him
moving suspiciously.
BLEEG
Just stretching. Please go on.
KURMAS
They stab each other in the back. Many die. The
survivors sing sadly of the dishonor this brings to their village. But their song awakens their warrior spirit so they can see the Feklhr for who he really is. They unite to battle him. Then, um, more die.
Kurmas turns and almost catches Bleeg imitating him.
BLEEG
Sorry, muscle cramp. I’m not used to all this
standing.
KURMAS
The villagers chase the Feklhr into the sky,
where they kill him. His blood fills the clouds,
and serves as a reminder to all Klingons against
fighting without honor, every time they look upon
our home-world’s crimson sky.
He raises his arms in a victorious pose, and turns his head, finally
seeing Bleeg mocking him behind his back.
BLEEG
I was just, um, this time I was only... Uh-oh.
Bleeg tries to put a few humans between himself and Kurmas.
KURMAS
It seems the Feklhr is not the only creature
without honor. Humans, I must teach this Ferengi
some respect. You will have to wait to hear the
opera. Just remember it is all Bleeg’s fault.
BLEEG
Hu-maans, you can thank me later. If I survive,
drinks are on you!
Bleeg runs for it, and Kurmas chases after him.
The End.
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